Hey, Y’all!

Last week was hellish. A stroke put my mom in the hospital for one week.  Today she is stable and comfortably rests in a rehabilitation facility. While she cannot sit up, stand, or walk independently, she is alive; she is trash-talking and cussin’ like Dave Chapelle doing stand up. 

Today she told me to bring her false teeth; she also said that she would knock my teeth out of my mouth if I forgot them.  Lord!  She is still feisty, so that means her mind is okay.

You would think I would be sad and gloomy, but I am encouraged and optimistic!  You see, life is going to keep the curveballs coming, and if you don’t learn to discern when to swing and when to let the ball pass, just as in baseball, you will certainly strikeout.

Before Monday, my mother was relatively healthy for an 87-year old. She did everything for herself, so seeing her helpless in the hospital was shocking. 

Throughout the past week’s ordeal, I remained mindful and refused to allow my imagination to take a trip.  There was a moment at the hospital when I felt a younger, less mature Tanya slowly sneaking and pulsating through my veins. I was getting upset because the doctor scheduled mom for an MRI at 10’oClock in the morning.  I learned six hours later that she still hadn’t gotten the MRI, and this was day two of her overnight stay in the ER. My younger self would have cursed, yelled, and turned out the ER.  Lord!  I am thankful for my personal growth (smiling). 

As a kid, I learned some creative and unacceptable problem-solving skills.  When you know better, you do better, and I did. 

I could not and still will not bash the hospital staff. As a result of COVID, most hospital staff are overworked, stressed, and traumatized.  I was bewildered between advocating for mom and demonstrating compassion to the staff. Thankfully, I worked it out with the staff, and mom got an MRI shortly after that.

With a few weeks remaining in 2020, I am super excited about the projects that I have planned for you in 2021. And although mom’s health may require me to make many adjustments, I remain confident of our overall well-being and prosperity in ‘21.  

As I bravely and instinctively make headway to the new year, I have a laundry bag full of schooling from 2020.  I’ve got this, and so do you.  I am not naive about the economy or the state of this country; instead, I am mindful of the Secrets of Six-Figure Women’s quote, “No matter how tough things are, there will always be people who are prospering.” Why can’t you be one of the people who prosper in the new year? 

I chose to move forward with optimism. To live with optimism and to get through difficult seasons will require you to take seven essential steps.

1. Calibrate. To calibrate is to adjust something.  Musicians calibrate instruments, mechanics calibrate engines, and photographers calibrate camera lens.  2020 has been a year of adjusting. No matter how well you plan, something will require change.  You have two choices. 1. Stress yourself out and resist. 2. Breathe and accept what has occurred, and decide what the next best course of action is. Not what is perfect, but what will temporarily work.  

2. Extend yourself, grace. You cannot control everything. Don’t beat yourself up about something you could have or should have done. Your focus is Today. 

3. Yolk your support. Who is your go-to? Who is your trustworthy confidant? Who loves you enough to listen to you but also tell you what you need to hear? Reach out to this person; vent, cry, or just talk about it, then consider solutions.

4. Target Today.  Your targeted attention is today.  By focusing your thoughts on organizing, coordinating, making phone calls, or something else, you will not have time to stress and think and react to negative thinking.

5. Practice self-care.  During turbulence, this is one of the most important steps you can take to maintain your emotional and physical well-being. Depending on your situation, you may lose your appetite or believe that you’re too busy to prepare a meal.  Don’t fall into this trap. If you are on the go, pack a snack; fruit, rice cakes, water, and a shake.  Carve out time to prepare a few fast and healthy meals, which will prevent you from buying unhealthy take-out.  Indulge in a bubble bath, schedule a massage or pedicure. Get your exercise in. Physical movement is a healthy way to relieve stress.  At the least, taking a short walk; it will get your blood flowing, you’ll breathe in the fresh air, and clear your mind. 

6. Meditate daily.  Meditation is a mind and body practice that focuses on interactions between the brain, mind, body, and behavior.  A daily routine can strengthen your mental mindfulness muscle. Research supports the health benefits that meditation may improve such, as reducing blood pressure, help psychological balance, and coping with chronic illness and stress.   

7. Faith. Dr. Dharius Daniels says, “You cannot handle storms the way you handle your norms. He also asserts that we must be more strategic in a storm.  Strategy requires unbreakable focus.” Develop your relationship with God and pray every day, and not just when you are in a stormy season.  Prayer gives us the supernatural strength to fight the wind and make it through the ugliest storms. “The prayer closet is the phone booth to Clark Kent.” 

During my mom’s health crisis, the above strategies helped me stay calm, think clearly, and avoid unnecessary stress. These days, each week comes with a new set of priorities.  Now that mom is in a rehab facility this week, the focus is to ascertain the available services and visit her every day.  

Due to the increase in COVID numbers, visitors must stay outside. The nurses raise the blinds so that we can see each other, and then we talk on the phone. 

When she comes home, everyone in our family will have to adjust again, and we will figure out our new normal.

I have no complaints. I am grateful that I can see my mom.  There are hundreds of thousands of other families who cannot see their loved ones.

My mother has lived a full life and always lives on her terms. I have never heard her say that she regretted anything; saying that at 87, it is astounding. 

We are in the heart of the holiday season. You can better enjoy the season by soaking up the good in your life and by practicing gratitude.

Take the last few weeks to celebrate all that you accomplished this year. Pat yourself on the back; congrats!